little miss bean

a new chapter begins

mommy — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:59:03 +0000

This morning Sofia started school. Real school. Full day school. Eat lunch and take a nap at school, school. Although technically today she is only there for a half day, meeting the new kids in her class and shaking hands with her teacher who is there to greet her at the door. She has been counting down the days until this day. “Is today Miss Pamela day?” she asks every morning. Finally today I could say “yes miss bean, today is “Miss Pamela day”.

While she was getting dressed she kept talking about what the day would be like, negotiating a marshmallow for the ride to school, asking a million other questions but all I could focus on were her feet. She had chosen to wear saltwater sandals to school today and I bent down to buckle them and looked down to see little girl feet. Where did the toddler feet go? The ones I could nibble on or tickle, that fit in the palm of my hand. Now they were bigger, and faster, ready to take her out into the world. She reminds me she is growing every day. “Look how big I am Mommy” she will shout, standing as tall as she can. I tell her to stop, to stay little, to not grow any more. She rolls her eyes and gives me a “Moooooom, you’re so silly” look.

We pulled up outside the school a few minutes early and Ajay and I turned around to take one last look at her before she headed inside. “Let’s get out!” she shouted. I told her we were early and we could sit for a few more minutes. She told us no, that she wanted to get out, that she was ready now. I wanted to say “Oh my sweet bean, I don’t know if I am ready yet” but instead smiled, and we got out of the car, walked inside, she shook Miss Pamela’s hand, and off she went.

our father, who art with kevin

mommy — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 03:08:28 +0000

A couple weekends ago Sofia took a helium filled balloon outside and promptly cut the string. Up, up and away it went. Down, down, down came the tears. Grandpa tried to console her and said that it was heading up to Heaven. She seemed okay with that, and after a bit forgot all about that balloon.

Cut to this past weekend on the coast. Ajay was out packing the car and Sofia and I came out just in time to see the balloon she had gotten at the local Pig n Pancake float out of the car and up into the sky. I braced myself for screams, pouts… tears at least. I slowly turned to Sofia and she just shrugged her shoulders. “That’s okay, it is going to see Kevin”. Um, what? “Ya, just like my other balloon with Grandpa. It floated up to Kevin.” Yea… Kevin.

from the backseat

mommy — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:46:03 +0000

“Mama? Can I be a prince?”
“Well, usually girls are princesses and boys are the princes”
“Oh”
“So, what would you be?”
“A princess”
“And what would Sebastian be?”
“A prince!”
“Right! And Georgia?”
“A princess”
“And Noah?”
“A princess, just like me and Georgia”
“Uh, okay. And Eloise?”
“The magic witch”

happy father’s day

mommy — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 18:44:30 +0000

Happy father’s day to all you Dads, Papas, Nonnos and Dadus. We wouldn’t be who we are today without you in our lives. Love you all!

at this moment

mommy — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:06:07 +0000

Shake your popo mambo is a dance we do every day in our house.

Bean’s been watching so much World Cup Soccer that during the NBA Finals last night she kept yelling “GOOOOOAAALLLL!” whenever the Lakers scored.

Pop songs are a big hit in our house. On the repeat cycle are Ke$ha, Black Eyed Peas, Selena Gomez and BOB, plus a handful of hindi pop songs as well. Is there anything cuter than a toddler dancing around singing “Bulletproof”? Maybe a toddler dancing around singing “Bulletproof” while holding a kitten. Otherwise I don’t think so.

Movie star is still the someday occupation. At her recent graduation (which I’ll post movies of later) Bean again affirmed when she grows up she wants to be a movie star. She’s already preparing for auditions. She’ll rewind the movie she is watching over and over again to get the dialogue and scenes just right. We are in trouble.

Food items that you will always find in our house: bananas, bubble water, popsicles and oatmeal. And chocolate chips. Always have to have those on hand. And wine. Have you met Bean? Oy.

We are at the edge of toddlerhood, with Bean testing her boundaries and pushing her will every day. It is exciting to see and watch this small bean of ours evolve into a legume, but a little bittersweet at the same time. Even though our life is full of I’ll do it myself’s and go away I’m not talking to you’s, when the sun sets and the stars come out, there is still hand holding and watching a movie in my pocket. At least she still wants to snuggle.

selective memories (and hearing)

mommy — Wed, 26 May 2010 19:16:45 +0000

I recently told my mom “Now I know why you were so cranky when we were growing up”. The minute I said it I regretted it. That isn’t what I meant. It came out all wrong. Of course I don’t look back on my childhood thinking that my mom was always cranky. Most of my childhood memories are of laughter and smiles, but I do remember the feeling of thinking to myself “geesh Mom, I was only asking…” and wondering why I didn’t always get an answer with a smile. If we could rewind life to that moment you would see me walking into a room where my mom was trying to cook dinner, clean the house, keep track of my younger sisters and asking her something like “can you take me to my friends house right at this very minute since you have nothing else to do?”. Sofia asked me the other day why I was always so angry. At first I was a bit surprised, but now that I think about it that is usually what she hears. I told her I am not angry, just frustrated she doesn’t listen to me. The other day she asked why I had to yell, and I said I wouldn’t have to yell if she would listen to me when I was talking to her. She only seems to pay attention to what I am saying if I am saying it loudly.

One of the meetup groups we belong to went to CHAP (Children’s Healing Art Project) for an hour of painting and crafts. They really should call it the Children and Parent’s Healing Art Project. You walk in, put on a smock and can pretty much paint anything you see. It was nice to just be with Sofia and not have to tell her no, don’t touch, put that down, can you please just calm your body for two seconds before I freak the s@#$! out. We painted, we glued, we glittered and collaged. I didn’t have to yell, didn’t need to yell, didn’t want to yell. It was an hour of peace and fun, laughter and smiles. I am hoping it is something she always remembers. I know I will. What I am choosing to forget is when I told Sofia it was time to go home and she smacked me in the face with a hand covered in glue and glitter. There was whisper yelling and threats of timeouts when we got home. But hey, it is all what we choose to remember right?

movie star in the making

mommy — Fri, 14 May 2010 14:17:15 +0000

“Mommy, can I be a movie star?”
“Sure, you can be anything”
“Great, I’m going to be a movie star. A BIG one”
“Oh bean, I don’t doubt it.”
“You can be a little one okay? But I am going to be a big one.”

————————————————————–

“Hey there little miss movie star!”
“No, I’m not a movie star yet”
“Oh sorry, when are you going to be one?”
“At 3:30.”

bad mommy day

mommy — Fri, 07 May 2010 22:06:52 +0000

Yesterday was a rough day, and it carried on into the evening. One of those days where you feel like your legs are moving really fast but you are moving in dry sand so you really aren’t going anywhere, not getting much return for your effort. I won’t lie, it wasn’t a very good “mommy” day for me. A good mommy day is one where there are Sofia eats three solid meals, I dance around tantrums with very little notice and a whole lot of grace, and by 8pm the bean is asleep in her own bed and I am on the couch, house cleaned, wine in hand. A bad mommy day for me looks very different. It is one with tantrums, food fights, piles of laundry, and tears being shed. The bean’s presence is optional. Yesterday was one such day. By the time we sat down for dinner last night there had been yelling, and in a state of despair I shouted at Sofia that she could either sit down or go to her room until she was 4. She calmly turned to me and said “Mommy, why are you mad?” I said “I am not mad, I am just really frustrated.” I then proceeded to list off all the ways that I was frustrated and she sat quietly, listening to what I had to say. I said “you know what would make me happy? If you listened when I asked you to do something, if you picked up your toys when I asked, and if you didn’t drown your pot stickers in bubble water and laugh while it pours out onto the floor.” She sat for a minute, nodding her head, and then exclaimed “Oh! I know!!!” her eyes getting bigger and bigger “You know what else would make you happy?” I let out a loud sigh, prepared for her to say something along the lines of Popsicles or Barney. “Oh yea, what would make me happy?” She smiled. “A great big hug from me. That would make you happy.” I leaned forward and let her wrap her little arms around my neck and as she squeezed with all her might I felt the stress of the day melt away and realized she was right. It did make me happy.

Maybe it was a good mommy day after all.

happy birthday buddy!

mommy — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 16:00:39 +0000

Six years ago today I became an Aunt. I still remember when Ajay and I were moving to Portland and Gina called to ask if we wanted their guest bed. Why would we want their guest bed? What would they put in their guest room? If it wasn’t a guest room what would it be?… Ohhhh! I finally understood Gina’s subtle way of telling me her news. I was going to be an aunt, and it was perfect timing. When we moved to Portland I wasn’t working so I got to spend a lot of quality time with Sebastian. Gina would drop him off on her way to work and I got to spend a few hours with him, just buddy and me. I miss those days, goofing out, just the two of us, but feel so fortunate to live so close to see that little guy grow up. Buddy, you are awesome and you rock. We love you. Happy birthday six year old!!

great clips

mommy — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 19:14:11 +0000

I have pictures up in my cube from Mother’s day 2008. I am so behind. Sofia has a baby book documenting her first year. She turned three in January. The only thing I can stay on top of is talking about how behind I am. At work? All deadlines are met, meetings scheduled and milestones completed. At home? Laundry goes unfolded, dust settles, and weeds grow. Why do we do this? Why do I do this? We have been talking about Sofia getting her hair cut since before we went to India. Finally Ajay took her on Monday. Evidently she stayed like this the whole time. I missed it because I kept putting it off. Time to reevaluate the priorities I think.