Today Bean did not have a nap. Of course it was the one day that I had told myself it was okay to snuggle up with her and snooze out for an hour or two. But she wanted none of that. She had loco legs she said. Those Fresh Beat fans out there will get the reference. Needless to say come bed time tonight she was more than ready to hit the hay. We were sitting on the couch and she kept falling asleep in her lap. So I scooped her up and took her to bed, which she protested, and began crying. The only way I could get her to stop was to let her snuggle up on my lap. We do this every night. She starts out snuggled on my lap and we talk about our day. When we are done talking, off she goes to her side of the bed.
It doesn’t surprise me that this comforts her. She spent the first few months of her life sleeping this way, snuggled in a ball under my chin, legs tucked under her body like a little ball. So cozy. When she was only a month old a friend of mine from the east coast came to visit and we took turns, one of us behind the camera, the other of us snuggling the bean. She fell in love with the bean and I remember thinking what a great mom she would be, how I couldn’t wait for her to experience the joy of having a baby.
This past February we were talking and she confessed she was pregnant, due in October. It was still early but she was so excited she just couldn’t hold it in. I congratulated her and Ajay and I celebrated. We were so happy they were starting a family. Months went by and she sent pictures of her growing belly and updates to us on the left coast. We couldn’t wait to meet their little bean. But all was not meant to be and last night we found out she had lost the baby. It is heartbreaking and unimaginable. One minute they were planning a shower, and now they are planning a funeral. I can’t imagine what she is going through, what she and her husband are going through, what she and her family are going through. She, luckily, is surrounded by family and friend and I hope they all are okay, I hope they are able to grieve, that they will be okay. Being so far away there isn’t much we can do. There isn’t much I can do, except snuggle Bean a little longer, even though her legs now dangle off the bed, instead of tucking under like a little ball.